We would like to apologize for our long absence from our blog. I have wanted to write this entry for quite sometime, however it has been hard to even know where to start or even if we should share. We choose to share because the good just as much as the bad things that happen shape who we are.
It was a Friday, the start of James’ work week and just before he went to work we had a meeting to sign the official papers to become first time homebuyers. This alone was such an exciting time in our lives. James saved his pennies long before we met to one day buy a home, specially a log home in the country. Thankfully our paths crossed and after we wed as a team started saving together and we made what was once his dream into our dream. So after 8 wonderful years and with two extra kiddos, one on the way and a dog we were finally making that dream come true! I was ecstatic and was taking random pictures during just a regular procedure for some to document our special day. Then we quickly kissed as he went to work and I went to pick up Justice from school.
Then later that night another first happened. I received a phone call that James was in the ER from a work incident. As soon as I could find someone to be with kids I rushed to the hospital. Thankfully I followed someone going the speed limit, because I needed to be by his side now. It allowed me to keep a steady breath and under control. Thankfully late into the night James passed all his tests to go home, although the doctor looked us straight in the eye and said this was life threatening. I was so thankful to bring him home, as I did not want to start this new chapter with out him. We moved into our home two days later, with help from people I did not even know since James’ help was limited. Such mixed emotions happy and sad. The next couple months we had ups and downs, but thankful each and every day to have a heavenly father to lean on, cry on and help us through. We were able to start having more good days than bad.
Then December 17 I went into my regular scheduled OB appointment hoping to learn the gender of our third baby, instead to find out there is no little heartbeat. I was alone at the appointment until they reached James to be with me. Unthinkable. So December 18 I delivered a precious baby boy, whom we could hold and say good bye at the same time. Even more unthinkable. We named him Zion. Then whole family took it hard and I feel like we pretty much stared at the walls till Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve night we started to laugh again, smile and start moving forward. As a family that night with mommy and daddy’s mattress in the living room so we could all sleep snuggled together next to our lighted Christmas tree as we celebrated the birth of our savior in our first home.
Now two more months have passed and James has healed and returned to work during this time. Life moves forward even when we may not want it to. During those times of trial, I will not lie it was without a doubt the lowest time in our marriage. However, in those sad times it was NOT hard to find things to be thankful for. A special card would come in the mail, many meals that were left on our doorstep or delivered with love in person, endless hugs, the most generous gifts from sweet friends and from people I will never meet as they do not even live in our town with sweet cards attached. We had an overwhelming response of help during our move. Individuals organizing the move for us. I will never forget talking to one gentlemen I thought worked with James, that I never met, turned out to be someone else’s relative that came along to lend a helping hand as well as treat the whole moving crew to pizza. Our sweet realtor husband changed out our kitchen faucet, without letting us pay. We had family friends build shelving storage for our garage and installed them without letting us help. Other women who had experienced a miscarriage knew exactly what I needed in that moment. Family came to help and be by our side during this time. Each and everyone of those acts of kindness no matter how big or small usually brought me to tears of joy. For in those low times, I never felt so much love and love we needed. Today I have so many more closer friends in our new community and that alone makes this story more of a happy ending. I feel very strongly that God does not promise us an easy life because we believe. In fact, I believe God calls us all to a harder life in our daily life, but that I have a hard time always saying yes. We will have hard times and things we will never understand, but my prayer for each and every believer is that we can still praise, glorify and even grow closer to him in those hard times.